Jayne's Country Home

IRC Humor - Chatting Online

When I first got online, I quite quickly discovered Internet Relay Chat, or IRC. This was back right after my first husband and I had split up and I wasn't about to go out to bars or wherever to meet people. With IRC I was able to interact with others from the comfort and safety of my own apartment. It was a fun way to pass the time and got me through some rough patches. We told jokes, played trivia games, got rowdy. It was a blast!

IRC was full of horror stories of people meeting on IRC and then getting together to meet in real life, or as we called it, "r/l," only to discover that the person they had been chatting to had been telling nothing but lies. But, on occasion, if you were careful and if you were lucky, you could meet some wonderful people and some great friendships and relationships could blossom, given a chance.

The following spoof on the Eagles song, Hotel California, made me chuckle when it arrived in my email inbox many years ago, so I had to share it here.

Internet Relay Chat

(Sung to the tune of "Hotel California")

On a dark winter's evening, the web to explore
Warm Domino's Pizza arriving at the door,
Up a ways in the listings, one more channel had been born,
I was curious and my interest piqued, so I quickly typed /join.
There she sat on the channel - I was home, I could tell.
And I was thinking to myself, 'This could be Heaven or this could be Hell'
Then she messaged me a greeting and welcomed me that day
There were no voices on the channel, I thought I heard them say.....

Welcome to the Internet Relay Chat,
Such a lovely place (such a lovely place),
Plenty of room on the Internet Relay Chat,
Any time of year, you can find us here.

Her mind is banter-twisted, the channel she tried to defend,
She's got a lot of witty, witty boys, that she calls friends,
How they fight on the channel, all without regret.
Some come to remember, some come to forget.
So I /queried the operator, 'Please make me an op!'
He said, 'We haven't had that privilege here since my nick moved to the top',
And still those /queries are calling from far away.
Wake you up in the middle of the night, just to hear them say.......

Welcome to the Internet Relay Chat.
Such a lovely Place (such a lovely pace).
They're chattin' it up on the Internet Relay Chat.
What a nice surprise, bring your alibis.

Fights on the channels, bots will never suffice -
And she said 'We are all just prisoners here, of our own device',
And in the private meetings, they gathered for the feast.
They fight it with their battle scripts, but they just can't kill the beast.
Last thing I remember, I was running for the door,
I had to find the passage back to the place I was before.
'K-lined!' said the IRCop, We rule! no reprieve.
You can log off any time you like, but you can never leave.

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